It is Sunday morning as I am writing this, the date is May 4th, 2013. Foremost I am surprised at how aptly the title of this blog describes my emotions.
Last night I was made to suffer through a Christian Orthodox ritual that I had absolutely no desire to participate in, or to be in the presence of. Unfortunately, like many other moderately sane males, I was basically forced into this predicament by my wife. I've been married for quite a few years, and while my wife is not religious, and we only had a court marriage, she does cling to some old and obsolete traditions. Up until now I had somehow managed to dodge the public shaming of attending this religious event, but this year everything aligned against me.
The evening was fine, we spent it with some close friends, eating some great food, and generally having a good time. I was unfortunately unable to really relax and enjoy the great things happening last night due to a last minute argument with my wife about my planned attendance at the said religious event at midnight. It had been weeks since she proposed that we go, and at no time had I agreed to attend. Prior to leaving last night, when she realized I was making plans to do something else, while they all attended the celebration of the resurrection of their dead God, she pulled the sucker punch of a weapon and started crying. All sorts of unfair blows were directed at me while I attempted to rationalize why I have absolutely no desire to attend and event where "Christ has risen yet again." How many times do I have witness Christ rising from the dead before he gets tired of it? I don't even have to do any work yet I tire of his annual efforts. May he live long and prosper this time, so hopefully he doesn't have to rise from the dead next year. Why must I attend this farce?
So, since above everything else, even above the Noodly Lord Himself, I worship my wife... I broke down and agreed to bless this event with my presence.
I did not enjoy it.
Not even one bit.
But today, after sleeping on it, I have woken up with thoughts about what transpired last night. How much of my feelings are really due to my preconceived notions about such religious rituals? I was brought up in a country where religion was not followed until the fall of the communist regime. I came to the United States and almost instantly rebelled against the Christian Church. My personal rebellion was due to someone attempting to force the Christian faith on me. And when something is forced upon you, that you don't understand... something which places constraints against your time and perception of the world, you rebel against it. This morning I am really recognizing my feelings as mirror images of what I went through years ago when someone attempted to force Jesus into my belief system and I was but a child. I am surprised an how visceral my reaction has been to this event. I feel kind of raped, publicly shamed into conformity with Christianity and "family life."
The actual event last night was otherwise something which may be called beautiful by most other people. Hundreds of people had gathered into this very nice church. Everyone, except me, was decked out as if they were going to a fancy ball. Priests, and members of the audience, sang songs about the coming of the lord, the death of evil, the death of death itself. Demon repelling smoke engulfed us all. I did not ignite into unholy flames. The lights inside the church were turned down, the priest emerged with a single candle and the flame passed around the hall, soon the entire place was lit by hundreds of tiny candle flames. Bells rang at midnight proclaiming the rise of Christ from the dead.
I suffered through this entire ordeal, the argument with my wife and my forced presence at this event made my mood so foul, I am still angry just thinking about it.
Yet is this thing so wrong? How much of my anger, boiling rage against this establishment, and fundamental denial of religious idols, is due to my personal prejudice against them? What if I had no preconceived notions about this event? What if I was a child who was brought into this ritual?
With a blank mind, would I not have found it beautiful?
My wife is not religious. She wanted to go for the sake of tradition, not because she worships Jesus Christ. She goes to church to light some candles in memory of the dead, she says her own form of prayer because it comes naturally, not because she really believes in any God.
Is this really such a bad thing?
